Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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