also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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