I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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