i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
