I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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