my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
