Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
