If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
