reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
