So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
