I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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