He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
