Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
