after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
