I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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