Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
