Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
