ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
