does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
