her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
