you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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