and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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