it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
