You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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