The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
