I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
