she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
