I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
