He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
