Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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