it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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