Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's always time for handjobs
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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