You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
