don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i came on her dog
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
