I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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