why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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