this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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