you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
