He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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