I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
