just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
