About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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