this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
