it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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