I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
