dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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