You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
