He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were trust falling into bushes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
