I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
