Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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