you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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