I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
