I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
