And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
