She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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