"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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