if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
