i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
