Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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