It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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