I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
