I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
